if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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