i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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