I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
