Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
