I think I won the penis lottery.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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