Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
