wrigley field is MILF paradise
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
