guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think a kid would responsible me up
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
