Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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