Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
