sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize