I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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