hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
