My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
