She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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