those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
