She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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