You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
