Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
