i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
