textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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