Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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