now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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