I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
