I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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