All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
