its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just had sex on a roof
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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