My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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