Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
