I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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