I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
