Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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