Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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