i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
