If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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