I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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