how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
