I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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