i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
