Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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