my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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