One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
