My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
