If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
