dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
