I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
