Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
