I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
