Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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