Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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