I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
