oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
