You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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