yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
