Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
