OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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