Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
