I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
