she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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