i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize