I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize