I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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