This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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