im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
