Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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