Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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