her vagine was all disorganized.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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