Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
