I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
