were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
