Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
