hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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