There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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