Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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