I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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