just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
