I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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