What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
