Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
