theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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