you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
