I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
